Mother's day rant. | LOVELY LITTLE RANTS

Mother's day rant.



I've debated writing this post because it's kind of a touchy subject for me. I am not close to my "mom" at all and it's been hard to accept that I will never have the kind of mother I wish to have! We will never go shopping together, or call each other everyday, we are about as opposite as you can get. She was the last person I told about my pregnancy, she's asked me about my pregnancy maybe three times (but only so she can tell me about her new husband).  Just stuff like that. It sucks and I dwell way too much on it. (ps- not asking for pity or anything like that!! If anything I've learned of what not to do and for that I am grateful!)

Becoming a mother, myself, has made this nonexistent relationship seem more apparent. The mothers day ad's I keep hearing on the radio just piss me off because it's that constant reminder of what I wish I had. I spend so much time praying and hoping I can be the mother that my daughter hopes to have. I want to be close to her. She WILL know she is loved. She is already my entire world. She is giving me the responsibility and blessing of being HER mother. Lately, every dream I have is about her and having her here with me. She is already making me so aware of the things I do and who I want to become. She is making me better.

This week Jason's mom invited me and my sister in laws to go see the movie "Mother's day" and even though it was so simple, the gesture meant the world to me! I had to nanny all day/ night and Jason came and took over that night so I could go. I felt like Cinderella going to a ball haha I was so excited! I'm grateful for her example and her love for me. I hit the in-law jackpot and she helps me learn so much of the kind of mother I want to be! My sister in laws are all such great examples of mother's, too! They are all little examples to me as I take mental notes and learn how to be the kind of mother my kids deserve. So here's to you guys, keep teaching me what the heck I need to do to be like you :)

This post is a little bit all over the place but I just needed to put it all down and get everything out of my head. This mother's day, I am a mother. Baby is still growing and in my tummy, but I am her mother. This one's for you, baby girl. Thank you for everything you've already done for me.

xo
Candace

28 comments

  1. I am so glad that you have such a strong relationship with your MIL! That is definitely special.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!! My MIL really is the sweetest mama out there :)

      Delete
  2. I'm really lucky to have a mother that was there for me (not that we go shopping together, we'll do online shopping haha) but at the same time I also had no father figure in my life, so I can only understand to a point. It's tough and it makes me sad. But at the same time, seeing the dad that Kyle is makes me happy. Even if I didn't get that kind of love from a father, it made me realize how lucky I am to have Kyle to be Sophie's father. And at the end of the day, you will be a wonderful mother, and your daughter will get the relationship you never had, and it may just fill that void.

    liz @ j for joiner

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can totally really on that though!! I'm sorry you had a similar experience with your father :( but I'm so glad Kyle is such a good example of what a father should be!! Sophie really does seem like she loves him so much! And thank you so so much, I bet it will help fill that void!! I cannot wait to be her mother!!

      Delete
  3. I would love to talk to you about this some time! I have such a similar relationship with my mom and planning my wedding has been so heartbreaking and confusing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Tessa I am so sorry!!! I would love to talk to you ANY time. Email me!!❤️

      Delete
  4. I have a looong (and I think complete) post written up about my 'father' too and I'm scared to publish it. I'm glad your mother-in-law is showing you what a mother should be! And you will be a great mom!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I want to read it!! There is so much more I could say but I was too nervous to really go all out, too. It's healing to just write it all out, though! And thank you!!! I hope I can be everything my daughter deserves!

      Delete
  5. CANDACE I LOVE YOU! You don't even need to worry, you're going to be great. You make me want to be your daughter, haha. She's going to be crazy loved, and I think you having a girl isn't by accident. You were meant to. There's certain things that suck sometimes about life, but they happen to teach us something. To make a change in a different way, in this case for you to become the best Mom. And how crazy is it that you're technically already a Mom?!?! I feel like you have already grown up so much. I bet it really makes you think. I can't wait to watch how the next few months/year/however long you blog unfolds. It's going to be really beautiful to see. This comment is kind of all over the place, but I just want you to know that you're awesome. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!! XX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. awh M please be my daughter!! haha and get me into shape, holy crap! And I totally agree with you 100%!! I didn't really think about that too much before but you're so right- I was meant to have a daughter, she was meant to be mine. God knew I needed one of my own to prove that not all mom's have to hate their daughters. But really thank you so much for your kind words and perspective because it really makes me feel so much more excited and stuff about this new adventure (aka having a baby girl!!) You are the best ever, Morgan!! xoxo

      Delete
  6. Oh girl this post was so sweet! Even though you aren't close to your mother or have the relationship you want, you sound like you have an incredible mother-in-law and sister-in-laws. I just absolutely, without a doubt know that you are going to make one exceptional mom. Also HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, even though she's not here yet, you're a mother nonetheless!!! Make sure Jason spoils you, even though I'm sure he will :)!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!!!! I really do have some amazing examples in my life of what I want to be like for my daughter! You are so dang nice, Nikki, and your words mean SO MUCH! I cannot wait to meet baby girl and be her mother!

      Delete
  7. Sweet friend, you are amazing! I'm so sorry you don't have a good relationship with your mom, but in my opinion it is totally her loss because you are a wonderful person. I know it's tough but don't dwell on it. It sounds like you have some pretty great women in your life and that's all that matters. Big hugs and happy mother's day weekend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so so much, Jessica! The other examples in my life are so amazing to me and I am so grateful I have their examples. You are also an amazing example of a wonderful mother, too. So keep being awesome and teaching me what I need to do :) Happy mothers day to you, too!!

      Delete
  8. Aww, how sweet! You are going to be such a great mom!

    xx Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I really really hope so!! xo

      Delete
  9. I love how honest this post is! I'm not BFF's with my mom either! We are just very different and have different beliefs and personalities. I am super close with my MIL though, and I'm sure Heavenly Father blessed us with those relationships because he understood our circumstances:) In the April Ensign the Visiting Teaching message really hit me: “We each belong to and are needed in the family of God,” said Sister Stephens. “Earthly families all look different. And while we do the best we can to create strong traditional families, membership in the family of God is not contingent upon any kind of status—marital status, parental status, financial status, social status, or even the kind of status we post on social media.”

    Love that because it's so true! We may not have the "ideal" LDS family background, but we can know that we are still in God's family, and have the ability to form our own earthly families as parents! :) Sorry this is so preachy, your post just gave me the feels! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Erica thank you so much for sharing that with me!! It's so true- even though my birth mother might not be ideal or what I would have wanted for myself, I have an amazing MIL and so many other great examples of what I would deem as amazing mothers!! And so true- there is always plenty of room and love for us in our Heavenly family :) I'm sorry you aren't super close with your mama, either!! But what you shared is so comforting and such a perfect reminder, thank you :) xo

      Delete
  10. Thanks!.. it is nice to know that someone else has gone through the same thing! It is painful. And weird. I gave birth 5 months ago and my mom came to the hospital. It was just strange to become a mom and have her there- someone who really failed me..it makes me sad to say it like that..but it is the truth..You are going to LOVE having that little one around all the time, so you will get to have all the things you missed, just from the other side..Enjoy your first mother's day a mama. I am happy for you :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is seriously something I have been dreading!! I don't want her in the room while I give birth and I don't really know if I'll see her in the hospital or what is going to happen and it's been stressing me out I don't want it to be one of those "I'm only here because I probably should be" type of things because I only want people there who actually care! Especially what you said- the irony of becoming a mother and seeing the mother who failed you. I am sure you are such a wonderful mother to your little sweetie and thank you so much! I hope your mothers day was perfect and that you were celebrated for being great! xo

      Delete
  11. You're going to be an amazing mom. Like you said, if anything, the lack of a relationship that you had with your mom will just make YOU a better mother, because you want your daughter to have what you didn't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh thank you, I hope so!! My daughter is already so precious to me and she will be so loved that it will drive her nuts how obsessed her mom is with her :) haha

      Delete
  12. I wish I could just give you the biggest hug! I couldn't say sorry enough times to make up for the hurt/ anger you feel toward your mom. I will never know such a feeling. As much as it hurts, you are going to make one HELL of a mama because of it. Think about it, you basically have a book of what not to do in front of you. You will be the very best mom to your daughter and none of that hurt will matter. I am so glad Jason's family is so positive and supportive through this entire process. Such a blessing to have people around like that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my gosh, Kiki, you are wonderful, thank you so much for your kind words!!! Oh man I sure plan on being exactly opposite of what she was to me, no person deserves that kind of situation!! And seriously, without Jason here to remind me that I am NOT her, I don't know what I would do!

      Delete
  13. You are a mother, no doubt about it! I feel that you'll be wonderful at the job, you already just love your baby girl SO much.

    As for your mama, I have the same deal but with my dad. There are difficult days but I just tell myself that he just lost his place & I have others that have taken up the empty space - specifically my grandfather. & I'm actually in your mom's shoes with my stepdaughter, we have not spoken face-to-face since January & the last message she sent was in mid-February telling me to stay out of her life. So, it's not easy on either side of the fence. However, I am glad that you do have those great mamas around you that you can go to, I know that it's not the same but it fills a lil bit of that void. Hugs, girlie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right- there are so many others who have filled that empty space! But it is still hard to think about, I just try to push it away from my thoughts. I'm so sorry you have the same deal with your dad :( obviously I know how annoying it is!! I don't know the situation with you and your step daughter but I hope that things work out for the best soon for both of you!! It counts that you still care about her :)

      Delete
  14. I'm sorry to hear about the rough relationship with your mom, but I am SO glad that you have such wonderful women in your life to be moms to you and to show you what being a mom is all about. Plus it sounds like this has made you be really intentional already about the type of mom you want to be and that's awesome! *hugs* Happy mother's day to you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!! I am so grateful for my mother in law and sister in laws who can help teach me how to be great like them :) And it really has- being pregnant with a GIRL was no mistake and I can't wait to love her forever :)

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Instagram