Mother's day rant.
I've debated writing this post because it's kind of a touchy subject for me. I am not close to my "mom" at all and it's been hard to accept that I will never have the kind of mother I wish to have! We will never go shopping together, or call each other everyday, we are about as opposite as you can get. She was the last person I told about my pregnancy, she's asked me about my pregnancy maybe three times (but only so she can tell me about her new husband). Just stuff like that. It sucks and I dwell way too much on it. (ps- not asking for pity or anything like that!! If anything I've learned of what not to do and for that I am grateful!)
Becoming a mother, myself, has made this nonexistent relationship seem more apparent. The mothers day ad's I keep hearing on the radio just piss me off because it's that constant reminder of what I wish I had. I spend so much time praying and hoping I can be the mother that my daughter hopes to have. I want to be close to her. She WILL know she is loved. She is already my entire world. She is giving me the responsibility and blessing of being HER mother. Lately, every dream I have is about her and having her here with me. She is already making me so aware of the things I do and who I want to become. She is making me better.
This week Jason's mom invited me and my sister in laws to go see the movie "Mother's day" and even though it was so simple, the gesture meant the world to me! I had to nanny all day/ night and Jason came and took over that night so I could go. I felt like Cinderella going to a ball haha I was so excited! I'm grateful for her example and her love for me. I hit the in-law jackpot and she helps me learn so much of the kind of mother I want to be! My sister in laws are all such great examples of mother's, too! They are all little examples to me as I take mental notes and learn how to be the kind of mother my kids deserve. So here's to you guys, keep teaching me what the heck I need to do to be like you :)
This post is a little bit all over the place but I just needed to put it all down and get everything out of my head. This mother's day, I am a mother. Baby is still growing and in my tummy, but I am her mother. This one's for you, baby girl. Thank you for everything you've already done for me.
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